I remember how I felt when I found out that my wife (now ex-wife) was pregnant. I was very happy to be having a child. I have always loved kids and I was excited at the prospect of being a dad. I knew that I wanted a daughter. My dad had failed so miserably with his daughters I wanted to do it right. When the doctor told us that he was fairly certain that we would have a little girl, I was absolutely thrilled. I was also somewhat apprehensive because of the experiences of my sisters. Before Katrina was even born, I told her mother that under NO circumstances would she ever be left with any man other than me – for any reason. I never wanted my daughter to experience abuse as my sisters had. I told her that this rule ESPECIALLY applied to my father.
My lovely Katrina was born on October 20 at noon. She was perfect in every way. I was so happy to welcome her into the world. She had pretty consistent colic when we first brought her home. Thank goodness for simethicone drops. There were nights she was so miserable that I wished I could lactate just so I could soothe her to sleep. Her mom really got into the whole “post-partum depression” thing. The only problem was that it lasted for about 4 years. I think I did more than many fathers, when it came to taking care of the baby. Even though I worked full time about an hour’s commute away, I was up late nights with her and helped care for her.
During this time, my wife was next to worthless when it came to keeping any kind of house. She complained that she felt aimless. I encouraged her to engage in a fuller ministry in our religion. She became a “regular pioneer” which meant that she put in at least 90 hours a month knocking on doors preaching the “good news.” After a bit, she became disillusioned and lost interest. She became aimless again. I encouraged her to try going back to school. She qualified for a number of financial aid products – including Pell grants. She began attending school, with Katrina going to a day care facility on campus. That was still not good enough. She complained that now, with all of her homework, the kids just wore her out. So, I began taking Katrina on my hour-long commute with me and having her stay at a daycare near where I worked to give my wife a “mental break” from a new baby. I really treasured that time I was able to spend with Katrina. They are some of the best days of my life, not because they were extraordinary- but because they were absolutely normal in every way.
I guess she was about 4 years old when I accepted a management job from a retail farm supply chain. I had to go train for anywhere from 3 to 6 months in Bentonville, Arkansas. Eventually I would get my own store. The place I had been working had no real future for me. I was the #2 man there – second only to the owner. I just didn’t see any real future in my staying there long-term. I made my trip to Bentonville, pulling a small pop-up camper in early January. I parked the camper and moved myself in. I lived a meager existence. I was still supporting my family back home – sending every penny I could to meet the obligations there. My plan was to bide my time and then request a transfer back to the area where we owned our home in Missouri. I left my wife, kids, and my wife’s younger sister to keep care of the place. I called as often as I could – sitting at a payphone near my campsite. My wife said that things were going okay and that we would be back together soon. Little did I know, she was cutting loose with one of her friends. Her younger sister was working at a local grocery store and on her way to work, she ended up wrecking our car. My wife took it to a local body shop to get repaired.
Soon after, I began getting strange messages from her. She started saying that I seemed like I did not want her and the kids with me – which was the furthest thing from the truth. I was unsettled, but I told her it wouldn’t be long before we would all be together again. True to my word, in March, I was asked to take over a distressed (but relatively new) store in Tupelo, Mississippi. I accepted the offer and left to start our new adventure.
I arrived in Mississippi and got to work. I was handling things at the store, which was about a 2.5 million dollar / year operation. I also found housing. I rented a three bedroom home in a nearby town. It was located in a place where I would not have a terrible commute to work and my wife, should she choose to do so, could attend college classes at Ole Miss in Oxford, MS. She still kind of went on about me not wanting her and the kids to intrude on my life away from them, but that was BS. Why would I get a house we could all live in if I didn’t want them there with me?
Finally, the day came to move her and the kids down to Mississippi with me. I drove all the way from Tupelo to Ironton, MO – where we lived. I pulled up in a Ryder truck, ready to load up and go. That was when she decided to tell me “Take the kids, but I’m not going with you.”
Ernie B.
Salubrious Rants 